He told me he used to masturbate a lot

I really could you your advice. I’m stuck, and not feeling worthy right now, especially when he has helped me open up my goddess in me. I want to help him. I’ve tried to discuss this once only that I do understand because of loneliness I’m just worried. I’m very frustrated, also sad, but I am very much in love with my boyfriend. I’m 49 years old and my partner is 50… He has not been in very many long term relationships, longest one has been 8 months; for myself I was married for many years then divorced because of a unhealthy relationship. My second relationship lasted almost 10 years then my boyfriend died in 2006. I met my new man in April of this year. we have great chemistry, laughing, spirituality, cry together, loving, enjoy Tantra which he introduced me to.

We love the intimacy it brings us. I could go on, but I need to ask this question. He told me he used to masturbate allot, and give himself many orgasms. That’s cool, I have too. But I think he is addicted to masturbating. I asked him if he still does and he was open and honest about it. He says not anymore, I truly want to believe him but research from what little I found was that a man gets a high from doing it himself, he has let himself go into me once after 6 months the other times we go a very long time making love because of the Tantra we can both stop the ejaculation process (I Know that’s great) but he can’t ejaculate in me or even when he is still hard or has to pull out because he loses his hardness it becomes limp. Of course I don’t feel like I’m sexually attracted to him but I know I am by the way he touches and loves me. He uses the excuse of being tired or that maybe he’s not used to me. I say bull crap! Not to him though. The research also says, a man can get moody or not interested in having sex with their partner they are used to giving them pleasure only. I do everything that turns him on. We are both very open. He has taught me to love my body and not to be ashamed because of being used as a sex object all my life. He wants to be the best lover to me and he is. He tells me that no woman has made him so sexually attracted. We can talk about anything, except for his hand stimulating himself. I asked him once for honesty and told him that it was okay because he was alone so many years. Hey I said I understand I have my toy also.

Please help me to find out if this is truly a problem or not, They also say that a man will have trouble focusing if they masturbate too much he has all the symptoms but I have no answers to go with. I’m sorry this is so long but I love my relationship and my man of course, but need help.

ANSWER

Sometimes women mistakenly believe that for a man to really have a good time with lovemaking he needs and wants to ejaculate. But this is not at all the case. In fact what most men really want is to stay at a high peak of sexual arousal and excitement, to ride that wave for a long time. For men who have learned to master their ejaculation response, an ejaculation often just feels like a letdown – it’s draining physically and energetically. Ejaculations are an intense pleasure, but only for a few seconds, and after you’ve had a few thousand of them over a lifetime, they are all pretty much the same. On the other hand, when a man learns Tantric practice and can work with this sexual energy, he can have orgasms without ejaculating, which is much more satisfying and not at all depleting.

So, I’m not really clear about what your problem is.

It sounds more like your issue regarding masturbation. From your explanation it doesn’t seem to be adversely affecting your lovemaking or your relationship. Perhaps you could just lighten up about this. It would seem that you have a very skilled and attentive lover. Why fix it if it ain’t broken?

If I’ve misinterpreted your situation, please explain it again.

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